Keep your eyes fixed on God. Photo credit to The Ascent I wrote this on 10/22/2018. Today is 16 weeks later. It has been a LONG 16 weeks. Every day I have a choice... Do I keep on keeping on simply to keep on? or Do I trust God to provide for me today like He did yesterday and choose to live the day purposefully? And it is still a daily choice. Reading back through this draft that has been sitting in my blog editor for 4 months, I chuckle that I wrote "Seek God" because last week I needed the reminder yet again! I listened to pastor Justin Dosch from my home church who just ~ coincidentally ~ spoke at the first Cru meeting that I had attended this semester who summed up his message in: "Seek Me first and you'll never thirst." That saying is written on my white board in my dorm room that I see every. single. morning. Read on for a little time capsule view into my world. I fought through such overwhelming, sudden, and world-shaking stress and anxiety. I feel like I'm a new version of myself. I'm better for it, but I feel stripped, raw, and vulnerable. However, the world hasn't changed. It's still rushing, loud, and overbearing. How do I reconcile my new version, which is better yet fragile, with the world, which hasn't changed? The simple answer is difficult to apply. Seek God. I have to force my worry to face my God. I have to walk with the Lord in every moment, every mundane task, so that in the high-emotion, fast-paced moments, I am secure in Him. He shows me that the world, while being rushed, loud, and overbearing, is also holding moments of peace, supportive friends and family, and hidden gems of joy. He shows me that I don't have to hold myself to any of the high standards that I had slowly put on myself over twenty years of living. He shows me that my life is the absolute best when I keep Him securely as my first priority. But I must keep Him always in that top spot. My schooling, my college education, my degree had encroached and become my first priority, over my faith walk and relationship with Jesus Christ. In order to nurture my mental and emotional health, I needed to radically change the way I was going to be completing my courses. I felt like my world was crashing, in one fell swoop. I analogize it to a Jenga tower. I saw my degree as the securing, foundational block. When that was removed, my tower was crashing. I realized that I need to have God as the securing, foundational block. Now, when I remove my degree, the tower still stands. Now I see that, yes, in fact, I can cut myself some slack with my classes and grades and focus on recovering physically and spiritually. I am still pursuing my degree because it is important to me, but it is never more important than my eternity. My slowly practiced advice for walking with the Lord-- Pray "Lord, be with me as I..."; "God be my strength, be my peace" (don't ask for strength and peace, then try to do it yourself) Literally walk with God. Take time to go outside or walk around your residency or work and just talk to God. But also take the time to stop talking, treasure some silence, and listen. It's hard to re-prioritize things in your life. But you just have to breathe, pray through it, and remember to take it one step at a time-- don't get ahead of yourself. God's got this, and He's already been and overcome where you are going. In the words of Sam Winchester (yes, I love me some Supernatural) "It's a marathon, not a sprint." Thank you, Gfycat, for providing this GEM
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Today, I"m blogging to blog. I put this poem on this post because I like this poem and I've had it saved on my computer. Over the past few months, I've realized that I need to listen to myself, every part of my self. If I want to do something, it's probably because (shocker) I actually want to do it.
Purely, simply, deeply, joyfully. I use a planner I keep my space organized I am growing three aloe plants in novelty mugs, and I am nourishing a mini succulent that I've had for 3 years I go to bed early some nights I stay up passed midnight playing Nintendo Switch with my friends some nights I exercise a lot some weeks I don't exercise for a few weeks I spend time making myself a brewed coffee even though I can walk across the street and buy one that tastes better (read: has way more sugary goodness in it) I room with my twin sister at college I choose how I worship God I learn American Sign Language I post inspiring quotes and Bible verses where I can see them daily I sleep snuggled up with some stuffies I write to my penpal in Michigan and to my Grandpa I adore all things snail mail and stationery related I spend four hours straight organizing in a state of calm bliss I put on eye liner on a non-occasion day to get back into practice with it I blog... all simply because I want to. Not everything in life needs to have a deep meaning. Not everything in your life needs to be approved by everyone else in your life. Just let yourself go and live out the smallest details and quiet moments of your life. Purely, simply, deeply, joyfully. |
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